Back on the chopping block

When I start a blog, I have a sense of a theme and try to write the blog conversationally.

As I struggle to express my thoughts, I walk around my points and use too many words. Derek Alderman underscored the latter failing in a comment on one of my Grafetti blogs (now moved here, without its original comments: The Umbrellas of Harlem, “…There’s barely any room to breath. The piece is so dense with information that I feel a need to pause, take a breath, and continue.” And segments of the blog often develop out of sequence.

When I edit the blog, I try to correct the sequence errors and cut the words, but, usually, I don’t cut enough and I overlook some logical problems.

Here are sections of two recent blogs. I was wondering what you guys think about my over-verbosity, etc., regarding these.

From “Card models“:

“…Each chateau took months of patience to construct. From a free-time point of view, summers are great for working on models, so in early summer, we would. But NYC’s mid and late summers have a notorious humidity which softens everything, including paper. Turrets no bigger than a pencil’s diameter, tiny conical roofs, and minuscule chimneys wilt and curl, either too much, or too little. So in the mid-summers, the card model work would stop, not to be resumed until October or later.

…As we assembled the paper models (it had to be done without glue — glue was cheating!), we got a sense of how hard it was to live in a chateau. There weren’t many chimneys on this one… it would be cold in the winter. All the chateaux had crazy steep roofs covered with irregular slates. Maybe… wasn’t that why castles fall down sooner or later — the roofs are too hard to repair? Where were the bathrooms? Or did they have outhouses, or piss in the halls, as the French nobles did at Versailles?…

From “Constructionist cooking: what is it?“:

…Over a span of twenty hours, the half turkey breast will have contributed to twenty-two servings of three different main courses, and six servings of soup. It will have taken only about an hour of hands-on time for me, including the cleaning-up. The good economy of time and money that a slow cooker makes possible, by using it to construct several dishes from a single base, would be difficult if it weren’t for a mild climate, like we have in NYC. A slow cooker is like a little oven, radiating a significant amount of heat as it cooks — that is, for hours and hours…

I have some thoughts about these sections, which I’ll share in a few days.

love, h

This entry was posted in ...Grafediting, composing, conceptualizing, editing, writing for blogs and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.